New Book

If you, like me, are raising boys and want them to be honest, courageous, well-rounded and kind, this is a helpful, inspirational read.

Two things I loved about this book:

• It is well organized and concise, beginning with the identification of troubles that face our boys today, and finishing with helpful suggestions on how to combat these troubles in our homes
• The author, Meg Meeker, writes with a Christian perspective that is refreshing and empowering

A few things I learned from this book:

• I gleaned a fresh perspective on the complex and wonderful relationship between a mother and her son. Meeker explains how a mother is a "dispenser of grace" and an "emotional connector" "Grace is love that is undeserved. Because a mother can see through a gnarled physique, a low IQ, a beast-like temper, or a chronic disease right to the soul of her son, she can spot the beauty within him, which allows her to love him. She can forgive him, excuse him, accept him, and love him when no one else will. Because her eyes pierce through the layers of this ugliness and finds the lost part of his self, she can extend him grace when no one else can. When a mother extends outstretched arms to a son who has failed in sports, or school, or socially, or been deemed not smart enough, 'manly enough', or just plain not good enough, he begins to understand what love is all about. (pg. 122)
• "The reality of a mother's love is that it sometimes comes out sideways. Mothers are often tired, manipulated, and they make mistakes. They scream when they mean to apologize. . .They worry about all the things that can go wrong. But there's an easy way to take some of the pressure off--and that is to allow both you and your son more time to relax. Some of the most important moments of being a parent consist of just being there for your kids and sharing the most mundane aspects of life with them." (pg. 125) 
• The chapter titled, "The Difference a Dad Makes" made me realize even more why my boys love and idolize their dad so much. I'm so grateful my boys have a dad who realizes how important this relationship is. "In a son's eyes, his father is the source of all correct answers. He knows what's going to happen next. He is smarter, stronger and tougher than the rest. A boy's world is shaped by how his father responds to those around him. Fathers are the authorities. They set rules, because they know the rules." (pg. 147)
• I learned that my boys need more time with me, with their dad, and less time with all electronics. Their innocence needs to be preserved and they need to be taught how to progress from boyhood to manhood. Meeker offers helpful, encouraging suggestions on how to implement these things on a daily basis.

I feel empowered by this book, and would recommend it to all.

Parenting is always a learning process

Just had to give a little shout-out to this book, which I'm currently reading. I've read a lot of parenting books in my eight short years as a parent, but have found that many of them give these systems that are too difficult to implement, or that the books themselves are simply too overwhelming to read after the first 30 pages or so. This one is clear, to the point and exactly what I have been needing.

It is no surprise to anyone who knows my oldest boy that the bold red words "STRONG-WILLED CHILD" on the front cover were the only encouragement I needed to check it out at the library in the first place. Second was the promise to eliminate conflict. Lately I have felt like all I have with this soon-to-be 8-year-old is conflict, contention, arguing and frustration. Our home was not a peaceful place, and I honestly felt like I really did not know how to change it.

The suggestions given in this book have helped me realize more than anything, that I had just become lax in my setting of limits. I think this happened in the natural process of this oldest child growing up, combined with my inability to reconcile how to give him some deserved independence while still commanding respect and making myself the in-charge parent. It felt like a loss of control, and in fact, it was.

The author doesn't give any new or earth-shattering suggestions, in fact, just the opposite, which is why the book is so readable and easy-to-implement. His ideas are basic and simple and stated with clear, real-life examples of children and their parents. I just needed to remind myself how to be in charge, but, like it also says on the cover, by establishing CLEAR, firm and RESPECTFUL boundaries.

I think that all children are strong-willed in their own right, but he has another version of the book, simply called: Setting Limits: How to Raise Responsible, Independent Children by Providing Clear Boundaries, which I would guess presents similar ideas but perhaps without all the comparisons made between extremely strong-willed children vs. compliant children. My second child is definitely compliant, so those comparisons were not lost on me.

Dear America

I am just loving this Dear America book series. Each book is written in the form of a diary of a young woman's life during an important event or time period in American history (wikipedia)

When I look for books to read, historical fiction is always my genre of choice. This particular series in this genre appeals to me because each book gives interesting details about daily life during the span of one year in these young womens' lives. They are written like diaries, but are works of fiction. However, they are always based on true events and circumstances and often about people who really lived during these these periods of time.

These are three that I have read so far, but I hope to work my way through the whole series.

Because this is a series written for young adults, they are generally quick reads, and so far it has been my experience that I just can't put them down. Each one has a different author, but I have been impressed with all the writing.

More than anything, these kinds of books make me realize how difficult and not always pleasant were womens' lives in previous generations. The daily tasks and responsibility of feeding large families, sewing and washing clothing, growing and preserving food for winter months, birthing children, and trying to keep warm and healthy required constant attention and left little time for pleasure.

When I get little glimpses into the lives and situations of women and men who blazed trails and settled America; suffering through flu epidemics, Indian attacks, arranged and often abusive marriages, and extreme poverty, I am amazed and thankful for the comfort and ease of our contemporary lives.

A New Obsession

I just finished reading three really great books. If you're my friend on goodreads, you would know that I gave each one 5 stars, which for me is rare. I am very picky with the books I choose to read.

These three books were all written by midwives, who tell, in their own words, the different stories of many, many births. These women take you into their lives and into the lives of their patients' homes, where most of the babies are delivered. For some reason, I never tire of reading birth stories, especially when they are written with such detail that you feel like you are there witnessing the actual event, as these are.

Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife by Peggy Vincent

This book was recommended to me by my high school friend, Paige, who said, "it made me want to change professions", and I might have to agree. Peggy Vincent is a great writer. Each chapter tells the story of another unique birth, mostly happy and healthy, though sometimes quite frantic and even sad. Her stories take place mostly in the 1980s and '90s in Berkeley, California, where she was a nurse-midwife practicing home births. I laughed and cried through this book and learned much that I didn't know about the whole process of birth.

A Midwife's Story, by Penny Armstrong & Sheryl Feldman

I enjoyed this book not only because of the amazing birth stories it told, but also because it taught me many things about the Amish culture/society that I did not know. They are an interesting people, and Penny Armstrong lived among them and delivered many of their babies.

The Midwife by Jennifer Worth

Jennifer Worth, though not a nun herself, lived with and trained to be a midwife in a convent with a group of nuns. Worth, along with these Sisters, delivered the babies of the poor, working-class women living in the slums of London in post-war 1950s. The living conditions of these people with which she worked are described in disturbing detail.

The countless birth stories she tells are fascinating and well-written, and occasionally we step away from her day-to-day midwife responsibilties to learn a bit of the history of her patients.

If you have any interest in this topic, these books come highly recommended by yours truly. Let me know if you read any of them.

To all you nursing mamas

I just finished reading The Birth House, by Ami Mckay (thanks Ilene for the recommendation), which was a good read except for the fact that I think it diverged a bit too much from the birth stories that it promised to tell. The few birth stories it shared were fascinating and I love, loved all the references to the natural remedies used in the older days.

In the story, Miss B is the resident midwife and healer of sorts in the small Nova Scotia village who has a vast knowledge of herbal tinctures for use by women in every stage of their "courses". Her willow book is an encyclopedia of remedies like:

• rubbing dill seed oil on a colicky child's belly
• sage to help with afterbirth pains, but careful! it dries up milk. brew sage tea when weaning a babe
• brew mother's heart with babyberry bark to make a tea to stop excessive bleeding

Being a nursing mama myself right now, I was most interested with the references to the galactagogues: natural agents which promote the secretion and flow of breast milk. I discovered this tea which includes a combination of three galactagogues--fennel, anise and coriander, and have been drinking it daily. It is surprisingly delicious, soothing and promoting healthy lactation for this little chubster:

Oh, how I dislike cold

Dear Rabbit,
Please save me a little bit of winter for when I wake up.
Love, Hedgehog.
"I've written it down so you won't forget," said Hedgehog. "Please save me a little bit of winter."
"But why?"said Rabbit.
"Because I want to know what winter feels like," said Hedgehog.
"Winter is hard and white," said Rabbit. " Winter is cold."
"But what is cold?" said Hedgehog.

Oh how I wish I were Hedgehog and didn't know what cold felt like.

Now, in my town, I can't say that winter feels hard and white, but it is definitely cold. Today was the first day I turned on the heater and felt I couldn't get warm all day long. There is a chill in the air and unfortunately it is here to stay. Sniff. Sniff. I hate the cold. I even always hate getting out of the shower because the air outside of the shower is so. much. colder.

If I were an animal, I would definitely choose to be a hibernating animal. Think of it--sleep and warmth the whole winter long; then you wake up and spring has arrived.

In this cute story poor little non-hibernating Rabbit gets left in the cold to miss his friend Hedgehog while he sleeps away the winter. He's lonely and hungry and can't wait for spring to arrive. Rabbit wraps up a snowball in leaves and saves it for Hedgehog.

Hedgehog stared at the snowball.
It looked like winter.
Hedgehog sniffed the snowball
It smelled like winter.
Hedgehog grasped the snowball in his paws.
"Ouch,"he cried. "It bit me."
"That," said Rabbit, "is what winter feels like."

I couldn't agree more.

**I know, this post is a bit premature--I should be writing it in the middle of February when the winter blues are in full force and it seems spring will never arrive. Don't worry, I'll repost it then to remind myself and you all how much I hate the cold.

The Book Thief

First of all, thanks for Chelsea for recommending this book so highly, and thanks to my husband for buying it way before I ever knew I wanted to read it so that all I had to do was take it off the shelf in our bedroom. I'm not one who usually likes to buy books, preferring to check them out from the library, but I am now very glad that we own this one.

Found in the book, written by the narrator (who is death):

It’s a small story really, about, among other things:

• A girl
• Some words
• An accordionist
• Some fanatical Germans
• A Jewish fist fighter
• And quite a lot of thievery

For me, reading this book made me endlessly thankful to be alive, living in America, at a time when life is generally easy, pleasant, and there is much joy to be found every day. The characters, jew and non-jew alike, who lived in Germany during Hitler's reign, suffered greatly in many ways and their lives are brilliantly depicted through Zusak's unique writing style. Their ability to find joy while in the midst of such suffering and oppressive leadership was remarkable and inspiring.

On the ration cards of Nazi Germany, there was no listing for punishment, but everyone had to take their turn. For some it was death in a foreign country during the war. For others it was poverty and guilt when the war was over, when six million discoveries were made throughout Europe.

As I read this book, main characters Liesel, Rudy, Rosa, Hans, and Max were a significant part of my life. I thought about them even when I wasn't reading. I'll admit, as the story came to an end, I cried like I haven't in a long time. Even though they were fictional characters, they represented millions of people who lived during that terrible period in history.

In this story, words represent joy, life and freedom. And while reading, I found within myself a new appreciation for joy, life and freedom.


**In this post, I mentioned that the narrator of this book is death. This is a very important detail to remember as you begin the book, because otherwise the beginning can be very confusing. Another thanks to Chelsea for giving me that info.

The Law Of The Jungle

The River of Doubt, a non-fiction account of Theodore Roosevelt's horrible and spectacular journey down the Amazon River, written by Candice Millard, is, for me, a departure from the books I normally read.

I was originally interested in this book at the recommendation of a friend for its historical significance. It was a challenging read, but finishing the book left me deeply satisfied as well as educated about life in the rainforest, Teddy Roosevelt's generous & adventurous personality, and his respectful style of parenting.

Perhaps because I find myself constantly immersed in the challenge of raising my own children, I am always looking for ways I can improve as a parent. Millard occasionally leaves the story of the river expedition to give some insight into the character's lives before the journey, particularly Roosevelt, as she describes his childhood, some of his experiences as the President of the United States, and a few family stories about the raising of his six children.

Roosevelt's son, Kermit, joined him on this challenging journey down the Amazon, and I enjoyed reading the author's portrayal of the relationship between father and son.

"According to Kermit, Roosevelt had always held his children 'responsible to the law of the jungle.' He never tolerated greed or sloth, especially during camping trips, when, even only a few miles from home, the children's courage, patience, and magnanimity could be tested to their limits. 'Not even the smallest child was allowed to show a disposition to grab, or select his pieces of chicken,' Kermit recalled. 'We were taught that that was an unpardonable offense out camping, and might cause the culprit to be left behind next time.'Roosevelt had witnesed this low threshold for discomfort in some of his closest friends, and he believed that it showed a shallowness of character that he was determined never to see in his own children.

Roosevelt was proud of his son on this expedition. . .not only did Kermit never fight for the best piece of meat, but the few times that the expedition had meat, he was often the man who had brought it into camp" (pp. 252-253)

The "Law of the Jungle" to which Kermit refers, is a poem written by Rudyard Kipling. Here is the opening stanza of the poem:

Now this is the law of the Jungle--as old and as true as the sky;
And the Wolf that shall keep it may prosper, but the Wolf that shall break it must die.
As the creeper that girdle the tree-trunk, the Law runneth forward and back--
For the strength of the Pack is the Wolf, and the strength of the Wolf is the pack.

I do not claim to be immune from displays of selfishness and greed, but, in my own challenge to overcome these character flaws, I hope to teach my children to work hard and think of others before themselves.

If it makes them better people, I believe I will also hold my children "responsible to the law of the jungle."

Time is a Mother's Enemy

Lately I've been reading books in which the characters are brave, intelligent, strong mothers.

The book I just finished is The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant. The book tells the biblical story of Dinah, daughter of Leah--the only surviving daughter among the twelve sons of Jacob. It is a fascinating tale of motherhood, midwifery, biblical culture, and the sufferings and joys of women.

Late into the book Dinah gives birth to a son, and the author beautifully describes the joy of a first-time mother.

"Just as there is no warning for childbirth, there is no preparation for the sight of a first child. I studied his face, fingers, the folds in his boneless little legs, the whorls of his ears, the tiny nipples on his chest. I held my breath as he sighed, laughed when he yawned, wondered at his grasp on my thumb. I could not get my fill of looking.

There should be a song for women to sing at this moment, or a prayer to recite. But perhaps there is none because there are no words strong enough to name that moment. Like every mother since the first mother, I was overcome and bereft, exalted and ravaged."

And later, she says this:

"Every day, I kissed my fingers and touched the statue of Isis, offering thanks to distribute among the multitude of Egypt's gods and goddesses whose stories I did not know, in gratitude for the gift of my son. I gave thanks every time my son hugged me. . .The days passed sweetly and turned into months, consumed by the endless tasks of loving a child. I had no leisure for looking backward and no need of the future.

I would have stayed forever within the garden of [my son's] childhood, but time is a mother's enemy. My baby was gone before I knew it, and then the hand-holding toddler was replaced by a running boy."

Often when I am out and about with my boys, older women will stop me, look longingly at my children while thinking of their own, and say, "time goes so fast--cherish every moment." or, "my baby is now 25 years old--enjoy each day".

Although being a mother is often challenging, I am so grateful for each day and each precious moment I have with my boys. They too, are growing up so fast.