Six hours into this work day and I'm feeling like I chose the wrong career. This feeling is not new--evidenced by the pages of frustrations recorded over the years in my journal, this feeling is a frequent visitor. Potty training failures, trying to dry laundry with a dryer held together by duct tape, hearing my name spoken a minimum of 100 times just this morning, and rushing the three littles into their clothes and to the school to cheer on the oldest in a battle of books competition, only to hear "why did you even come, mom?" are just a few of the items contributing to this today.
I know that discouragement is a strategy of He who wishes to see us fail, and sadly, it is effective in accomplishing what He desires: that is, to make us feel angry, depressed, selfish and irritable and like our lives are horrible.
I also know that this is just not true. My life is wonderful, and I am thrilled and blessed each day with the family and things that surround me. So, today and in the days to come, in my moments of selfishness, when all I want to do is lace up my Sauconys, turn up my ipod and run away, I will remember that I did not choose this job to bask in my selfishness and wish for more moments to do only what I want. I chose it, though I didn't know it at the time, to learn about that essential attribute of godliness: UN-selfishness.
Today and everyday I will wage a war on discouragement. I will choose to believe the words and feelings poured into my soul during my moments of scripture reading and meditation that this work is so important, that I am loved, that I am forgiven, and that my failures will be made strengths. I will choose to believe the words of living prophets when they tell me to "be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. . .these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him."
I will accept that many more days like this are up ahead, but I will dig deep, pray hard and win.